Why Do Vulva Owners Feel The Need To Fake Orgasm?
The majority of vulva owners have faked an orgasm at least once in their lives. Some vulva owners exaggerate their sexual enjoyment only with a partner. For example, they do not moan loudly when engaging in solo sexual activity or masturbating, but many do when they are having sex (Brewer & Hendrie, 2011). It has been found that 56–76% of vulva owners have faked an orgasm with a partner.
This performative aspect of sex has piqued the interest of many psychologists and has garnered increasing research. It is evident that people with vulvas faking orgasms are way more normalized and customary than one would expect, for which the reasons are multifaceted. Some factors associated with the likelihood of the same are vulva owners’ ability to orgasm, their partner’s sexual skill, and their fear of partner infidelity.
Sometimes, vulva owners fake orgasms, especially in heterosexual relationships, to satisfy their male counterparts in an attempt to “retain” their partner as evolutionary psychology explains faking orgasms as a male retention strategy. A related role of suspected partner infidelity has also been found to act as a catalyst in motivating them to fake orgasm. This is backed up by data that states that vulva owners who think their partners are likely to cheat on them are more likely to have faked an orgasm with their partner because they feel if they do not fake it, their partners will begin to seek pleasure elsewhere.
Orgasms of vulva owners are prized by penis owners mainly because they facilitate their own pleasure-seeking process. Moreover, awareness of the fact that they have been able to satisfy their partner feeds their ego. This once again boils down to the fact that sexual intercourse and pleasure have patriarchal foundations since conventionally, vulva owners are required to gratify the sexual needs of a penis owner without expecting reciprocation, even if it involves something as undesirable and dramatic as faking an orgasm.
Recent research has also provided evidence for the fact that vulva owners’ beliefs about gender and other ideological factors have a direct relation with their faking orgasm behaviour. For example, vulva owners who hold anti-feminist attitudes do not have anything holding them back from faking an orgasm. Such vulva owners scored higher on a measure of hostile sexism, which describes the belief that vulva owners who challenge penis owners’ power are manipulative and subversive. On the other hand, vulva owners who are passionate feminists are less likely to fake one as it contradicts their belief in a woman’s right to pleasure and the ability to have transparent conversations about sex with their partner.
“Bad sex” is another commonly cited reason for vulva owners to fake an orgasm. Some of them stated that they fake one because they want to end sex when they are tired, bored, or not in the mood. This is especially commonplace in casual hook-ups because it is the fastest way to get going if someone is not having fun or is not very invested in the person or the situation.
Other times, they might fake one because it is the only reasonable way to make them stop as sometimes their partners might genuinely be trying hard to make her get there. There have also been instances when heterosexual penis owners are under a lot of stress when it comes to sexual performance and their partners would fake orgasms out of empathy and compassion, just for the sake of not hurting their sentiments or sense of masculinity, even if it comes at the expense of their partner’s pleasure.
Some penis owners tend to be touchy and hypersensitive when it comes to their performance in bed so vulva owners choose the easier path of faking an orgasm instead of confronting their partners and having difficult conversations that would probably make things ugly because they are aware of the fact that the male ego is generally fragile. In such cases, they may also avoid confrontation because they feel guilty about shaming their partners and hurting them.
Vulva owners have also stated that whenever they made an attempt to be upfront about their sexual dissatisfaction, it was followed by gaslighting and a blame game of sorts. Penis owners often try to defend themselves and shift the blame by making emotionally manipulative statements like “maybe you were not into it”, “I tried my best but it’s never enough for you”. Other times they may subconsciously get emotionally distant which once again results in an increased likelihood of infidelity. Sometimes, there is no scope for them to be straightforward because the relationship does not allow that level of transparency and communication. Therefore, at the end of the day, it depends on the other party, the situation, the dynamics of the relationship they’re in and also the state of mind of the partner.
Some vulva owners may also have mental health issues and could be diagnosed with depression or generalised anxiety disorder. This implies that while they’re on medication, it is a possibility that they might not feel pleasured and orgasm even if everything is right. This brings elements of embarrassment. In such situations, vulva owners are more likely to fake it just because admitting that they’re not doing their best mentally is difficult.
Therefore, all the aforementioned reasons explain why vulva owners feel the need to fake orgasms. Additionally, interestingly enough, these are all psychological processes and tendencies that develop over time, as we interact with people in and outside of the bedroom.
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