The Ultimate Sex-Guide For Your ‘First Time’
‘Sex’ is a word that is almost synonymous with heavenly pleasure but for some, it’s cluelessness — all thanks to those uninstructive school textbooks and teachings.
Let’s face it: No matter how many adult books you’ve read or porn you’ve watched, you’ll still be nervous for your first time! And this my friend, is completely normal.
Here are some sets of instructions that’ll guide you to prep for your first experience of sex!
Prepare yourself for your first
- Enjoy the sex-drive. Sex is not just about the physical act, it is also how the mind and body indulge and understand pleasure. Hence, it becomes very important to experience and embrace your libido or sex drive before actually having sex.
- Foreplay is fun. It can be a little awkward for the first-timers to jump right into the act of sexual intercourse that’s why foreplay plays a vital role in building tension and arousing the partners. Foreplay can be in the form of dirty talking or kissing and experiments with touching and rubbing.
- Cleanliness is next to heavenliness. Might sound a little mundane, but it’s very important to know that sex should be healthy and clean. Take a shower before sex, and clean and rinse your genitals thoroughly to feel fresh and active. If you’re planning on anal intercourse, make sure you go for rectal douching as well!
- Protection is a priority. Whether for the first time or the 50th, sex without protection is a strict No-No! as it may expose the partners to the risk of unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Use barriers such as condoms and dental dams for safe sex and regular testing for STIs by you and your partner is strictly advised.
- Consent must not be forgotten. Before getting into the act of sex, it is a must to have both the partner’s consent for it. It must be remembered that consent does not only concerns about intercourse but also for other sexual activities such as oral sex, genital touching, and even kissing.
- Post-sex hygiene is as important. Our job is not just to guide you to an amazing experience of sex but also to make you take a look at the aftermaths of it due to negligence of hygiene. Sex may cause infections and rashes to some, so to avoid them don’t forget to wash your genitals and body with warm water and soap after the act. It’s very important to wash the sheets and the area after ejaculation. Sometimes fingering and fisting may cause tears or cuts that might cause infections or possible transmission of any blood-borne STIs. To be safe, always wash your hands after and before touching someone else’s genitals.
Tips for vagina-owners having sex for the first time
- Feel confident about your body. You can put on a sexy bra or maybe dim the lights a bit to boost your confidence.
- Discover your pleasure beforehand. Masturbate and explore your body to find out what you like when it comes to how you like being touched, what areas feel pleasurable to you, and what areas don’t.
- Communicate well with your partner to make your experience exciting. Tell your partner about your needs, wants, and desires.
- You may or may not bleed after your first sexual intercourse. It’s a myth that you bleed after breaking your “virginity”, but the truth is 50 percent of people don’t bleed their first time, because the hymen can be stretched during regular, non-sex activities like jumping or riding.
- Never stress on orgasming. Orgasm is great, but it’s not the sole purpose of sex and hence there should not be any kind of pressure to experience it. And which is why never fake an orgasm!
- Even the last-minute dissent counts. Consent is important, even after enjoying the foreplay one might not be sure and may call off.
Tips for penis-owners having sex for the first time
- Remember that your penis size is perfect. There are a lot of insecurities surrounding the size of penises, but they are all insignificant. Just love the way you are.
- Don’t rush into penetration. Never be impatient to perform the act, always try to heat things with foreplay and make your partner feel comfortable before intercourse.
- Use a lube. It’s a necessity for anal sex, and in case of the vaginal sex check if the vagina’s wet enough for the intercourse. If the vagina’s dry then uses a lubricant for healthy and beautiful sex otherwise it might be painful and uncomfortable for your partner.
- Take the feedback sportingly. Don’t feel attacked if your partner admits that they didn’t enjoy it, it’s normal. Instead, try talking to them and find out what they enjoyed and what they didn’t. Discuss with your partner about new positions or techniques you’d like to try for the next time.
- Feel comfortable asking questions. You might want to use new techniques, which may make your partner uncomfortable. So make sure you ask simple questions to your partner during the performance, such as ‘‘How does that feel?’’, “Are you enjoying it?”
- Don’t try to imitate porn. Even if you love watching porn or they seem easy to perform, but no matter what, never try to imitate them because they can ruin one’s sexual life. They are similar to the actions in an action movie: “The following stunts are performed by highly trained professionals under expert supervision, please don’t try this at home or anywhere else.
Tips for trans-genders and non-binaries having sex for the first time
Let’s talk about sex. The major problem about trans-gendered and non-binary sex is that it is not discussed openly, which is why it’s important to talk about your body, pleasure, and desires before having sex.
It’s alright if you don’t feel good naked. Loving your body is important, but it’s more important to embrace your body the way you like it. It’s absolutely fine if you like to wear something while having sex. It can be a chest binder for someone who feels uncomfortable around their breasts, or tucking gaffs for a trans-man, or even simply a t-shirt. Keeping them on can sometimes result in better sex.
Discuss the roles of anal sex. Anal sex is for everyone! because it’s non-gendered. But, sometimes some people aren’t comfortable with receiving anal intercourse, and some people aren’t comfortable giving anal intercourse. In such a case, communication is the best solution. Try and talk with your partner about their preferred choice of activity.
Respond to your transitioning body’s needs. A non-binary and trans-gendered person may undergo various changes in their bodies. Such as, vaginal atrophy leading to dry vagina or oestradiol for trans-men that affects their penis erection. It is advised that they look for remedies and consult their doctors for the same.
Never stop exploring your body. For pre-operating trans-women and women who underwent sex-reassignment surgery, it can be a little difficult to understand their body and pleasures, which is why it’s essential to seek help in the forms of sex guides or doctors to explore your body.
A final word of advice
There is no rule book that you must abide by before having sex but just some things that you should remember for a safe, healthy, memorable, and consensual sex. Always try to take care of your and your partner’s safety and pleasure, and once done with your ‘first time’, be proud of your experience!
Cover Illustration: Anshika Maria Sunny