Penis Insecurities: Does Size Matter?

“Is it too small? Too thin? Is it too curved? Or too dark?” These are some frequently asked questions by every person with a penis. Penises undoubtedly take up more space in one’s brain than they need to. Insecurities about penis build up as people face puberty, watch porn, or talk about it with friends. Many times referred to as “a weapon,” an organ faces unreasonably high prospects from the person. It is expected to have just the perfect size, thickness, curvature, and color. I might be putting you in a fix by anthropomorphizing penises, but just think about it. Isn’t it too much pressure on the organ to appear and behave just the way you want it to?

What are some insecurities related to penises?

Size. Color. Shape. Girth. Tilt.

In 2008, a published study claimed that almost two-thirds of persons with penises have at least once felt insecure. People worry if their penis is darker than usual or oddly shaped (probably curved) in comparison to others. Some are concerned that their penis is not as thick as they expect it to be. The most common factor that leads to anxiety amongst people is the size of their sex organs. They may wonder if it’s too big or too small. Generally, persons with an average size also exhibit some level of dissatisfaction – they expect it to be bigger. While people worry, research has stated that a penis of a larger size may not contribute to more pleasure. Be it vaginal or anal intercourse, people have claimed to have not enjoyed with persons with very long penises.


Are people with large sizes also insecure?

Honestly, Yes!

A study was performed with over 15,000 individuals from all around the world to understand penis sizes. It was found that the average penis length is 3.61 inches (flaccid) and 5.16 inches (erect). We know of people with a small-sized penis being insecure. But it is known that those with longer sizes have similar concerns. The adult actor Malcolm Lovejoy narrates an incident where his partner exclaimed not to have enjoyed his sex organ, which is on the larger side. Moreover, he has expressed being insecure about his large penis size as his partner did not prefer it.

What can excessive thinking about penises do to you?

Physical and psychological harm.

When you sit in a corner and surf the internet, “What’s the average penis size?” Google opens up links to several websites that claim x-y-z to be the average size. Soon after, you rush to compare your penis with the one over the internet. This contributes to your existing anxiety. It’s a never-ending vicious cycle that’s cramming you down.

People who obsessively display concerns about their penises may repeatedly measure their erections. Excessive worry may lead to the development of sexual dysfunction in people. Just for the sake of reassurance, the person may masturbate more frequently than expected. In this worry, a person may cause physical and/or psychological harm to themselves. They may even tend to avoid dating as they are afraid of being humiliated. Ultimately, they end up reading blogs and watching videos on “How to enlarge your penis?”


How did you end up developing this insecurity?

Social media, porn, and unrealistic standards. 

Comparison with close friends, acquaintances, and even porn stars may lead to penis insecurities. Young persons in locker rooms may often laugh at others, calling them “teeny-weenie.” Penis-related advertisements generally pop up on porn websites suggesting the viewer enhance the size of their penis. They suggest undergoing lengthening surgeries, consuming supplements, or applying substances. Pornographic videos are often shown performing actors with penises way beyond the average penis size.

These platforms set unrealistic standards for those who may already be questioning themselves. They prove to be harmful, especially the vulnerable ones that are influenced by overly-enhanced sex organs. Additionally, they owe to low self-esteem and sexual problems. Malcolm Lovejoy, a famous porn star, spoke in an interview, “There isn’t a man who hasn’t measured his penis and then gone online to see how his size stands up against others.” It’s unfair to have over-high expectations from your body. It’s totally normal if your penis does not match that of your favorite adult star.


How to deal with penis insecurities?

Simple but not simple advice: Talk about it.

The best way to combat such issues is to speak up and talk openly about them. Accepting one’s insecurities is much “manlier” than denying one’s feelings. Discussion around these topics is lacking, and the kind of information put up on the internet about penises needs to be re-evaluated. Understand that by being born with a penis, you have not entered a contest. Remember, the pleasure during sexual activities is more than penile intercourse. Moreover, your partner may be comfortable with your package.

Additionally, feed yourself with factual information. If necessary, you may want to seek professional aid. Professional health care practitioners provide a healthy, non-judgemental space for those who seek help.

What can you do if your partner struggles with penis insecurities?

Listen and acknowledge.

It is normal for partners to take persons with penises for granted as they may have never spoken out loud about it. Individuals often feel that their partners are unsatisfied with their size. But if your partner has expressed concerns, you must listen and acknowledge them. Your approval is probably what your partner is seeking in this moment of doubt.

You yourself may not exhibit the same concern, and it could be your partner’s preoccupation. But delving into conversations is the quickest way to tackle penile inferiority issues. Having an ideal penis does not guarantee sexual satisfaction. On the contrary, sexual satisfaction is beyond anatomy – it involves your actions, your thoughts, and so much more.

How can you lend your support to people with penises?

Let’s create a safe space for one and all.

Unfortunately, social media and pop culture has failed to address and bridge this inclusivity gap in the body-positivity movement. Finally, it’s time we stand up to the fact that penises come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. We must all broaden our horizons and avoid shaming individuals about their bodies. Tear off and dump the “macho” ideal picture you’ve created in your head. The television you’ve watched, the internet you’ve surfed, people you’ve spoken to have led to this façade of a “perfect penis.” While clearly, there’s no such thing as an ideal body and a perfect sex organ.

People often live with a fear that their “undesirable” or “unworthy” trait would question and harm their “manhood.” Because apparently, being able to satisfy your partner in bed is somehow equal to being a man. A great penis is apparently the true manifestation of masculinity. While you can’t see me winking at you – know that, with a great penis, does not come great responsibility. Remember, you are what you are, whether your sex organ is a one-inch or a 9-inch penis. No organ defines your ability, strength, and your sexuality. Moreover, your partner’s orgasm has no size or shape, just plain communication of what each of you enjoys.

Graphic design by: Avni Gupta on Behance



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