The Problem With “Just Kidding”
- Jokes and memes can sometimes normalise offensive behaviour.
- “Just kidding” lets harmful comments escape accountability.
- Being funny should not come at someone else’s expense.
It usually starts off casually. Someone makes a comment about your body, your clothes, the way you look, the way you speak, or even your trauma. It feels a little off, maybe even uncomfortable, but before you can fully process it, they laugh and say, “Relax, I was just kidding.” Suddenly everything changes. These moments are easy to miss because they feel so ordinary. They show up in group chats, casual conversations, and everyday banter. Just because they are framed as jokes, they rarely get questioned. Instead, they pass by quickly, leaving behind a slight discomfort that is hard to explain.
What could have been called out becomes awkward to address. If you still feel uncomfortable, it somehow becomes your problem. You are the one overthinking, the one who cannot take a joke. The comment itself fades into the background, while your reaction takes center stage. This is the quiet power of “just kidding.” It does not just soften what was said but it protects it. It turns an inappropriate remark into something trivial which is not worth questioning. This blog will explore how humour can sometimes blur the line between funny and uncomfortable and how this makes conversations around boundaries, consent, and respect much harder to have.
The Blame Game
The phrase “just kidding” often works as an easy way out. Also called Schrödinger’s Joke, this is a comment that works as both. It is both a serious insult and a “joke,” and the speaker only chooses which one it is after they see your reaction. If you laugh, they have successfully tested a boundary. If you look hurt, they retreat behind the “just kidding” shield. It allows people to say exactly what they mean without having to own the consequences.
There is often an unspoken expectation to not make things awkward. Being chill is seen as a positive trait, while reacting strongly is labelled as sensitive. In such situations, laughter becomes a way to fit in, even when something is off. Let us see how this works:
- Blaming Begins: The focus moves away from what was said to how it was received. Instead of questioning the comment, the reaction becomes the issue.
- Accountability Gap: Framing something as a joke removes the expectation of explanation or apology. It allows people to step back from addressing what they said
- “You are Overreacting” : Discomfort starts to look like overreacting. Setting boundaries can then feel like creating unnecessary tension.
- Over time, this can make it harder to speak up, especially in conversations linked to Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE)-related topics like consent, boundaries, and respect.
What Are We Laughing At?
Most of what we laugh at today comes from roast videos, meme pages, or group chats. The more shocking the joke, the more engagement the online content gets. Likes, shares, and comments encourage pushing boundaries a little further each time. Memes play a big role in shaping this space. Over time, “rage bait” jokes, “dark humour” pages, or trending reels that joke about stalking, possessiveness, or toxic relationships have gained popularity. This content often includes jokes about harassment, toxicity being equated with love, or ignoring consent as something normal.
For instance, a wide eyed, staring woman with captions like, “I have been looking through your text messages… who is Mom?” is perhaps the most famous example of stalking and possessiveness being framed as a comedic character. A man walking with his girlfriend but turning his neck to look at another woman centers on infidelity and the objectification of women. In 2018, the Swedish advertising watchdog actually ruled this meme sexist and gender discriminatory. When we consume this type of content daily, we trivialise behaviours recognised as uncomfortable.
When certain ideas are constantly presented as jokes, they begin to feel less serious over time. This is especially concerning when it comes to issues central to CSE, like consent, respect, and personal boundaries. Prejudiced Norm Theory, developed by Thomas E. Ford and Mark A. Ferguson reveals that when sexist humor is used, men with existing hostile attitudes toward women feel more comfortable expressing aggressive tendencies. These memes allow people to be offensive while pretending it is just a performance. By hiding behind a layer of cultural sarcasm, they make the behavior nearly impossible to call out.
The Aftertaste of a Joke
When certain remarks are repeatedly passed off as humour, they begin to shape what feels normal in everyday interactions. The issue is less about one comment and more about how these patterns influence what people accept without question. This also changes how people navigate social spaces. Thoughts like “was that offensive, or am I just overthinking?” can make it difficult to respond in the moment.
At the same time, humour itself is not the issue. It can connect people, challenge norms, and open up conversations. The difference lies in how it is used. When humour comes at the expense of someone’s comfort, it stops being a bridge and starts being a barrier.
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