A Guide To Safe Masturbation For Vagina Owners
You may have seen many posts on Instagram encouraging you to take your sexual satisfaction into your own hands and feel empowered. But you might not know where to begin, because let’s face it, the Indian education system is broken. Teachers rush through the reproduction chapter with mumbled words, and red faces, further reinforcing the belief that sex and all connected activities with it are shameful. There are 2 things wrong with this- Firstly, that Indian sex education is based on an abstinence-based model, and secondly, that the only purpose of engaging in sex is to procreate. The pleasure discourse does not exist in the Indian diaspora. If you’re a vagina owner who’s curious, read ahead!
Where to begin? Exploring your body
Why are you doing this? You’re doing this to explore your own body and experience sexual pleasure. To get more comfortable with desire. You may experience negative emotions like shame, fear, distress before you begin, as masturbation is seen as a taboo topic in Indian society. Remind yourself this is normal, allow your emotions to flow through you, and get ready for a new experience! You may not know how you will feel unless you give it a try. Be confident. This is another form of self-care, after all. You’re not being selfish.
Keep in mind that your vulva is not your only pleasure zone. Run your fingers over your body and find which areas feel sensitive. It could be your inner thighs, the curve of your neck, the underside of your legs, and around your chest. Use different touches, experiment with different types of pressure, ranging from feather-light strokes to harder caresses. You are learning what your body likes, where its erogenous zones are. Be open to receiving the signals it has to send you. Learn to recognise them and what they mean.
Next, find a diagram online of all of the labeled sections of the vulva ( your external genitalia.) This link may be helpful. Commit them to memory. You need to locate your clitoris, where all your pleasure zones are located. Sit down in front of a mirror, and identify all of the different areas. Recognise them with love. Most vagina owners experience pleasure through clitoral stimulation, and NOT vaginal stimulation, as run-of-the-mill porn videos would have you believe.
Your vagina may be different colours in different places. The labia majora may be of different shapes and sizes. Guides like this can help you understand that all bodies are unique, and your body is different from all others.
What turns you on? And where to go from there?
Different things turn on different people. So you can explore multiple options, like visual porn videos, reading erotica, etc. Explore all of these.
How to begin:
- Remember to wash your hands with anti-bacterial soap before you begin and clean any dirt under your fingernails. Wash your vulva as well. Make sure your fingernails are bluntly cut with no jagged edges.
- Set the mood: Find a private spot like your bedroom, at a time when you won’t be disturbed. Dim the lights, make sure there are no loud noises around. You can put on some music, and wear something that makes your body feel good, or nothing at all.
- Get some lube. All the rubbing you’re going to do will create friction, and you don’t want to end up with a rash. Spit is a BAD idea. It dries fast, and will also leave your vagina drier than it was in the beginning.
You can experiment with different strokes on your clitoris. Small circles on your clit, light flicks up and down, on the sensitive areas on the side, or diagonal motions. While it’s a good idea to also explore your body, if your goal is to experience an orgasm, focus on the clit. You can also use 2-3 three fingers together to stroke the slit in circular motions.
Try different motions alternatively. Once you have found a rhythm that feels good, stick to it. You may want to explore vaginal penetration as well, sticking one finger of your other hand on your vagina, while the other stimulates your clit. ( Use lube for this.) Slowly push your finger(s) in as deep as it will go, and then pull it out. Keep this motion going, and see if you can find your G-spot. ( this will be a patch of rougher skin located directly under your clitoris.) Don’t force your fingers in further if you feel your muscles are clenching too tightly. Remind yourself to relax. If you focus only on your orgasm, you will not reach your goal. It will take time.
You can also try lying down in the shower and letting the water stream directly over your clit. Or you can use a hand-held water washer. Recognize how your body changes when you experience sexual desire. Your nipples may tighten, breathing will speed up, breasts will feel heavier or more sensitive, etc. Embrace these feelings. Let the feelings build till the point of release and enjoy how your body feels. If it feels weird the first time, it’s okay! Everyone was a beginner once. Don’t pressurize yourself to have an orgasm. It will happen and you’ll know when it does.
Find online resources. You can refer to many online sources for further tips on clitoris play, and clearing your mind before masturbation. If you feel like trying out vaginal penetration on your own, invest in a vibrator or other sex toys. You can choose from multiple websites linked here.
DO NOT use phallic-shaped objects, be it hairbrushes, electric toothbrushes, or any manner of fruit and vegetable. This is unhygienic and can lead to vaginal infections and even injuries.
Masturbation for first-timers takes time. You need to familiarize yourself with your body and take deep breaths. Focus on pleasure, not orgasming. There are many different types of masturbation. Be patient with yourself. Check this website out too and remember that this is supposed to be a fun activity. Practise makes perfect!