Love Languages- Why they’re no big deal

Love is complex, and how we express our love for the people we care about is unique. Some would argue that the language of love has been lost to humanity and I would agree. Human connection and intimacy have decayed through the years even though, ironically, we have more resources than ever to stay connected with people. In the 90s, Gary Chapman decided to become the pastor and self-appointed marriage counsellor for his church seminary. His observations among the couples that came to see him have been published as a book-” The 5 Love Languages”. It was further popularised with the advancement of technology, and this concept has become the subject of many social media posts, despite the lack of research-based evidence to prove it.

The following are the research-backed reasons why love languages are pseudoscientific:

  • Over-generalizations and assumptions

Most of the research spent on debunking love languages agrees on the same things- that people have only one primary love language, that there are five love languages and that sharing the same love language can affect the quality of a relationship. Our very idea of love changes at every stage in our lives, which even includes how we express it.

  • The target audience

The love languages were tested out by Gary Chapman in the context of white, heterosexual couples, specifically straight men. Throughout his book, he completely leaves out women, ethnic minorities and the LGBTQIA+ community; there is a tone of Christian superiority. He provides very narrow ideas on what intimacy can look like. Is he the right person to take relationship advice from? Despite the questionable origin of these concepts, his book has sold millions of copies. 

  • The subjectivity of relationships

Relationships and the feelings involved in them cannot be quantified.  It is human nature to want to take the easy way out. While love languages are a solid start to understanding one’s needs, they provide a surface-level insight. How every human being has ever expressed their love cannot be divided into just 5 categories.


Despite the obvious need to berate love languages, if they were revamped more mindfully, they would be a useful tool to help us love ourselves and those around us better. We have the freedom to form our own opinions of love and find ways to handle the uncertainty of loving someone.


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