Intimacy and desire in Allo-Ace relationships.

Asexual and allosexual relationships can present unique challenges and opportunities when it comes to intimacy and desire. Asexuality, an umbrella term for a sexual orientation spectrum unified by the lack of experiencing sexual attraction towards other people, can coexist with allosexuality, which encompasses individuals who do experience sexual attraction. Navigating these relationships requires open communication, understanding, and respect for each other’s needs and boundaries.

But what is Asexuality?

Asexuality generally refers to an array of experiences of sexual attraction that are different from what is commonly expected, referred to as allosexuality. This array includes folks who experience little to no sexual attraction or are sex-repulsed.

What is so different about Allo-Ace relationships?

Asexual and allosexual relationships can present unique challenges and opportunities when it comes to intimacy and desire. This may require redefining what constitutes “Sex”, and open communication regarding -intimacy, boundaries, etc. 

Rethinking “Sex” and “Intimacy”

The dynamics of what one may consider “Sex” and “Intimacy” change significantly when we talk about Asexual relationships. Open communication is the key. Penetrative sex is not the only way to experience meaningful exchanges of pleasure, intimacy, and trust. Kissing can be sex. BDSM and kink practices can be sex. Emotional intimacy can be built through communication and respecting boundaries. Asexual individuals may prioritize creating intellectual and emotional intimacy. This can involve engaging in shared hobbies or activities, spending quality time together, or simply having deep conversations.

What are some ways to build emotional intimacy in an asexual/allosexual relationship?

Clear Communication: Open communication is crucial in building emotional intimacy. This involves discussing needs, boundaries, and expectations, and being transparent about feelings and concerns.

Creating Romantic and Emotional Intimacy:  This can involve activities such as spending quality time together, deep conversations, and expressing affection through non-sexual gestures.

Checking In and Establishing Trust: Constantly checking in with each other, both during intimate moments and outside of them, is important for building and maintaining emotional intimacy. This includes discussing emotions, past experiences, and physical desires to establish trust and understanding.

Defining Terms and Shared Understanding: Establishing a shared understanding of terms like “sex” and “intimacy” through open dialogue is crucial. This ensures that both partners are on the same page and can navigate the relationship with mutual respect and clarity.

The Non-monogamy question

The dynamics of every relationship are different. Partners of asexual individuals may decide to indulge in ethical non-monogamous relationships to fulfil their tangible sexual needs. Open communication with one’s partner is the key to establishing the rules of a relationship.


By approaching the relationship with open communication, understanding, and respect for each other’s needs, asexual and allosexual individuals can work together to build a fulfilling and harmonious connection


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