How To Role-Play: Your Ultimate Guide
Almost everyone out there wishes to spice up things in the bedroom. But sometimes the little foreplay and dirty talk might not make the cut. So, here’s one other solution to take things up a notch: role play. As the name suggests, it involves two or more people playing out different roles or scenarios and has a strong erotic element.
On asking a few friends, it was realised that while most of them had fantasized about trying it out with their partners, most of them didn’t know how to approach the topic. To make your lives (or sex lives) a lot easier, we have created a list of things to do and keep in mind before you try out role-playing.
How To Role Play: A Step-By-Step Guide
Step 1: Find out what turns you on
A lot of people, especially young people, often do not know what turns them on. This is where some self-exploration might come in handy. Loosen the reign on your imaginations and let it run wild. Do not shy away from experimenting with kinks because that might be an amazing opportunity to figure out what does the magic for you. It is your mind and no one can judge you for your fantasies. Let your dirty thoughts inspire you and guide you in bed.
Step 2: Set your boundaries clearly
Before you and your partner(s) assume different avatars for the night (or the day, because why not?), it is very important you lay your boundaries, rules and safewords. Safewords are especially important if you want to indulge in BDSM as it helps your partner understand when you want to stop. In fact, you should also communicate with your partner(s) about what you want or expect from them (and vice versa).
Whatever you indulge in, it is important that all the people involved have consented to it. If your partner wants to try more hard-core elements, you might want to have a frank and honest discussion about it beforehand. A lot of people have a rape fetish – in fact, it is more common than you would think it to be. If that is something you are willing to try out, talk about it in detail and lay out what are the no-go areas.
Step 3: Pick your role and scenario
Roleplay is meant to be fun, imaginative and an opportunity to be someone other than yourself. You need not worry if your fantasy seems absurd or illogical. A lot of people hesitate to try out role-playing because they are not able to think of specific scenarios to enact. If you are new to this, know that it is okay to start out simple. Do not hesitate to pick up scenarios that you might already be familiar with. Let me save you the brainstorming – here is a list of some of the usual role-play scenarios you can try out. Most of these are on the tamer end of the spectrum:
- Doctor/nurse and patient
- Police person/ prison guard and criminal/prisoner
- Secretary and Boss
- Teacher and student
- Photographer and model
- Celebrity/role model
- Actor/actress and cast agent/director
- Delivery person and customer
- Repair person and home-owner
If you want to take it up another notch, you could try out the following scenarios:
- Slave and Master
- Captive and torturer
- Gender reversal
Scenarios in this category might be a little more inclined towards aspects of BDSM. There is nothing wrong with engaging in these acts either, as long as all the parties consent to it and they are done safely.
You could also want to incorporate sex toys or props in your role. While some people prefer dressing up differently and going all out with the costumes, that obviously is not a hard and fast requisite. Some people might prefer to change the location or the setting while role-playing. We are not asking you to rent a hotel for the night (but if you want to, who are we to say anything?), but you might consider decorating your house to change the mood or just change locations in your home. You also do not need to fret about your acting skills (or the lack of it, hereof). Let the moment absorb you and carry you away with it.
Step 4: Communicate to your partner(s)
Communicating with your partner(s) before having sex is as important as communicating with them while you are doing the deed. For a lot of people, role-playing might feel silly. Having to play pretend might feel awkward. Do not stress if you realise you are not exactly the oscar-winning actor you thought you were.
Remember, you are trying something new and different and it might take you (and your partner) some time to get used to it. Talking about sex can be very tricky because one, we do not do it so openly often, two, it might make us feel very vulnerable and three, we might fear being shamed or laughed at for our kinks and desires. You can start by creating a safe space for your partner(s). Start slow and gradually ease into the conversation. Reassure your partner if need be.
You might even want to explore your fantasies together through communication. Keep an open eye and ear for non-verbal cues. Some people prefer communicating through actions rather than words. Once the comfort level has been set, talk about all the fantasies you have been brewing in your head. If you still feel awkward and embarrassed, you might want to write it down or start via text. Communicating through writing or messaging is a lot easier as it spares you from being face-to-face with your partner.
If you ever have a particular ending in mind, do let your partner know it. Do not assume sex is over when you climax. Each person has unique preferences. Make sure you know what your partner(s) really like. As long as you end the session happy and satisfied, you have done a good job. Be willing to be silly and acknowledge the awkwardness- you never know, it might just be more fun with the jokes and the laughter.
Step 5: Brave it, but take it slow
It is not weird to role play, it is just another fetish. Roleplaying is also as much about trials and errors as anything else. You might end up not enjoying something as much as you thought it would. Do not let that deter you and keep experimenting. After all, what are surprises if not more fun? There is no prescribed way of having sex or role-playing. Go at the pace at which you are the most comfortable.
Now that you have all the steps to a fun sesh, what’s stopping you? Get talking about your wildest fantasies and make those dreams come true.
While you are absolutely encouraged to go all out and be as brave as you want to be, do not bypass the use of protection. Wearing a condom can not only prevent unwanted pregnancies but also acts as protection against STDs. I promise it is not as much of a killjoy as it sounds like.
Be open with your partner and let your fantasies take the steering wheel.
Cover illustration by: Gurleen Kaur