Lesbian Sex IS Real Sex: Challenging Heteronormative Narratives
- Narratives and norms are guided by heteronormative ideals.
- The blatant disregard of intimacy among queer individuals.
- This calls for destigmatising and solidifying of queer intimacy.
- Social frameworks which guide narratives towards a different path are necessary.
What is Heteronormativity?
Heteronormativity refers to the assumption and societal belief that heterosexuality is the norm and is subscribed to by the population at large. This comes with large-scale acceptance and normalisation of heterosexual ideals that are accompanied with rigidity regarding the gender binary and the recognition of only two genders: men and women. Not only has this led to social discrimination of the LGBTQIA+ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer Intersex Aromantic/Asexual) individuals, it has also set back the battle for legal rights and has reinforced rigid and conservative expectations.
The over-simplication of gender and sexuality has led to deepening of already entrenched homophobia in the minds of people that have not been exposed to “progressive” outlooks towards life. The underlying assumption then is to reject anything except what is defined as normal in society, which means that sexual relations other than those considered “normal” are scrutinised and dismissed. If the norm is that cisgender and heterosexual men and women can engage in sexual pleasure then anything that defies this ideal is immediately shunned.
Lesbian Sex, A Broader Concept
Culture today revolves around heterosexual couples which inherently means that there is access to how one should go about it and resources one should use if in need. This does not seem to be the case for individuals who belong to the LGBTQIA+ community as not only is there a lack of representation in media, there is also an absence of open conversations that take place to discuss topics such as intimacy and sex.
This comes with added pressure when two cisgendered women engage in these experiences, where they fall prey to homophobia and misinformation. Intimacy amongst women is a conversation seldom had in cultures across the world. The misconception that lesbian sex is not considered “real sex”, is used as a generalisation for intimacy between queer individuals and has implications that dismiss the world of pleasure for all those who attempt to engage in it. Invalidating as it may be, it is also astoundingly untrue as intimacy amongst women is not just limited to lesbians but also bisexuals, pansexuals and queer individuals. It also spans over people with vaginas, penises and those with intersex genitalia.
Debunking Myths Surrounding Queer Sex
The myths surrounding lesbian sex need to be debunked because they’re rooted in misinformation resulting in the devaluation of intimacy in the queer community. The idea of an individual having to be the man during intercourse validates the notion of penetration making sex what it is. However, that is untrue since other methods such as manual stimulation (i.e. using your hands to pleasure your partner) and oral stimulation (using your mouth and tongue to pleasure your partner) exist. There are also penetrative methods such as fingering and fisting that can be used. However, protection during lesbian sex is still imperative as one is still at the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection or STI. Dental dams, internal and external condoms, gloves and hand hygiene still remain imperative in order to practice safe sex.
Lesbian sex refers to self-identified, trans or cisgender women engaging in intimacy with each other, homosexual or whatever they choose to identify as. Some myths revolving around those engaging in this include: “Someone has to be the man”, “lesbian sex is not real sex”, “protection may not be used” etc. The idea that sex is not considered important enough or “real” stems from extremely patriarchal and homophobic ideas. This leads to the invalidation of millions of people seeking pleasure, just because in a lot of cases penetration is not involved. Historically, sex has always been defined by the heteronormative idea of “penis in vagina”, with the concept of virginity being based on precisely that. Therefore, the very limited definition of what sex is, leads to the dismissal of lesbian sex as “not real”.
The Need For Reform
While it can be difficult to spark conversations regarding sexual pleasure within the queer community because of its constant dismissal, it is important to establish a new norm to pave a path for queer dignity and rights. The lack of representation in media and the “hush hush” treatment of pleasure contributes in vicious cycles of shame amongst people and the destigmatising of sex, especially in the queer community, is imperative to remove myths from facts, which is that lesbian sex should be recognised as a valid form of intimacy in order to obtain pleasure. Similar to heterosexual sex and narratives set in its support, there needs to be creation of social frameworks that recognise the nature of pleasure among members of the LGBTQ+ community, eventually shifting society in a different direction from heteronormativity.
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/how-do-lesbians-have-sex#takeaway
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7035158/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/social-sciences/heteronormativity
https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/is-lesbian-sex-real-sex.html
https://www.pratisandhi.com/gaydar-nope-just-stereotypes/
https://www.pratisandhi.com/its-the-20th-century-why-do-we-still-hold-stereotypes-towards-women/
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