Our Bodies Don’t Define Sex, We Do!
‘Turn the lights off!’
‘Don’t go down on me today!’
‘Ugh, I haven’t shaved down there!’
‘I’m sorry I have stretch marks around my chest!’
Physical intimacy needs more than just two people who are interested in each other. It is an exchange of pleasure that only comes when one is ready to receive it. Body insecurity is not a fable, but a struggle for most people every day. While having a negative self-image about your body is an individual problem on its own, it can terribly hamper your time in bed and completely defeats the understanding and comfort that there needs to be with regards to sex.
Good Sex is What You Make of it
Forget what porn culture has told you. Two people who probably take a lot of water breaks and have three people touching up their makeup while acting in a porno, should not be your ideal inspiration. While I don’t want to diss porn as a concept, we can agree on its terrible representation of bodies and the type of bodies that are considered attractive during sex. This breeds in us a self-consciousness, one that we are unable to discard.
A lot of times, I’ve encountered groups of women discussing the different colors of their vulvas or being embarrassed about how prickly the hair down there is. While this real girl talk should be empowering, it is unfortunately a conversation that makes one feel even more ashamed. The struggle is actually more real for women than it is for men. This not only leads to avoidance of sexual activity but also makes it harder to orgasm, or to put it simply, just have a good time.
Stop Chasing the Perfect Body
For men and women, both, it can be a harrowing experience to have to worry about the lights shining too much on you during sex or your unshaved armpits destroying the mood for some reason that truly makes no sense at all. If I’m being realistic, being genuinely satisfied and okay with the way you look is probably not so easy to workaround. Our beauty standards in general are through the roof and at a point of no return. But what you can do is not let it seep into your sex life. The same applies to men everywhere too. Having pimples on your butt or hair on your back is not going to make you less desirable just because airbrushed magazine photos told you otherwise.
Priya (name changed) felt awkward having sex with her partner because she only recently had an allergic reaction on her back that gave her pimples all over it. She was hesitant initially but in the flow of things, took her top off and did not let it bother her sexual experience. Instead of wiggling around or trying to hide her back from her boyfriend, she straight up showed it to him in the middle of sex. ‘By the way, did you see this crazy breakout I just got? Have you ever had this before?’, said Priya in a nonchalant tone. Priya’s boyfriend wasn’t turned off and neither did he shy away from the conversation. He simply kissed her shoulder and went on to ask, ‘I hope it doesn’t hurt when I touch you there?’
The education of our bodies is just as real as our education of sex. Sex education is not only about how to have sex but also about understanding the authenticity of it. Our definition of sexy should be about how it makes us feel and not a checklist commodifying our bodies. Not every curve in your body is supposed to be a trigger to turn someone into a sexual beast. And even if you think it is, there is certainly no definite manual to go about it.
Interestingly, the person who wants to have sex with you accepts your body far more than you do yourself and that irony is groundbreaking. Even emotionless sex makes no room for bodily criticisms which we so conveniently throw up in neon lights in our own minds. At the end of the day, our personhood matters far more, whether it is in bed or outside of it.
Featured Image: TeenVogue